mental junkbox

I know too much about things that should not matter. I wish not to know this much. A little less would be nice, better, in fact. I had peace of mind and then I lost it.

CAPRICORN
January 2, 2008 -
This sentimental climate is at the same time explosive and tender. A real set of fireworks: you'll love with ardor and passion, and you'll lose your reason and heart for it. Let yourself go so as to maintain your joy of living. The planetary turbulences will threaten your nervous balance. Bad astral juncture for rheumatic natives. You'll experience happiness in sharing unforgettable moments with your near ones. No more anguishes and fears, which have seized you often and without valid reason.

I AM SICK!! THIS SUCKS!!!

Growing up on Bollywood has forever left me with visions of moonlit nights, perfect men, romantic courtships, and incomparable happily-ever-afters. You want to know the power of indian cinema? You are an educated individual, a cynical city-girl with a much less-than-perfect history of love; you know the movies are a sham, you know it's too perfect to be true, you cannot be more aware that it's escapism at its best yet with every fiber of my being, even if its a lousy low-production film with a mediocre cast and awful directing and the same fucking script I've seen in twenty other movies, I will stay rooted to my seat, watch it from beginning to end and end up believing that it's all true.

Someone explain it to me, please.

The Pisces is getting a tattoo today. She refuses to tell me where and what, which is so typical... but my guesses are: to the left or right of her pelvic area, somewhere on the small of her back or on either of her ankles. By tomorrow, the verdict shall be out.

i have a paper due on monday. actually it's due today but i fell awfully sick so i had to ask for an extension. good thing too because i havent wrote a single word of the 3000 word paper and i'm too busy watching south park to really bother. so far, i like the halloween, drugs are bad, starvin' marvin, and city on the edge of forever episodes! and my favorite south park character is KENNY because he is the coolest zombie ever. in the halloween episode, when the other zombies felt compelled to eat human brains, kenny was hanging out, albeit quietly, with the other 3 kids all day long and didn't eat them at all!! what a great person! plus he's so super duper cute. now if only i could write my essay on south park and how it reflects and parodies on a paradoxically superficial and emotional level the ills of pop culture, mass consumption and the impending downfall of the 21st century through a simple script and cardboard-looking characters. it's brilliant! i feel guilty for the entire world's stupidity!

oh good lordy , 3000 word essay due tomorrow, very very sick today, haven't started and i'm super screwed. debbie can't help, mark has lots of writing to do himself. i need a lit major! now! now!

Nothing makes me happier than writing last-minute essays about over-rated films and knowing I'm going to get a good grade. It feels like I'm slapping irritating film critics with a bag of mumbo-jumbo that's really ultimately shit. It's so fantastic!

let me show you five reasons why my life needs to settle down:


you slowed me down and made me dumber
you are the sweetest thing in the world
you haven't left my thoughts since we first met
you and i are compatible on a transcendental level
you worship me and would love me if i let you



my powers of perceptiveness have shot up radically! too much too fast but i'm not complaining at all! but really, few people get it. sometimes it's not even because they understand but because they are accepting. most of the time, they are the same people living in fantasy worlds and we cross fantasy borders and visit each other!

but why don't people believe me when i tell them this? they laugh and call me silly and pretend like it's a joke. i'm perfectly serious when i say this world is not mine to live in and love in. it is rigid and ruled by illogic of the highest order and i reject it. take me seriously. just because i don't make sense to you doesn't mean i don't make sense at all.

still hate school

i've been having too many late nights, spending too much on taxi rides and not enough time on my essays. school work? what work? this semester feels more like a drunken holiday. i must really stop spending and start saving.

maybe im too old for this but i seriously hate school and will find any excuse to run away from it.

the past two days have been spent in the company of the delightfully protective yasmin. we sit at almaj, smoke sheesha, talk about boys and school. occasionally, there is some studying involded. i really enjoy friendships that allow me to realize over and over (because it's a nice sort of realization) how different people are and how special each one is in their difference. she has taught me much about the ideal friendship, taught me to be a better friend while allowing me to be myself. i must remember to hold on to this, the good stuff, when it seems most convenient to judge someone based on one fuck-up - as we all impulsively sometimes.

someday i'll write a better update of my life, ideas and exploits. it just seems that participating in discourse is a lot less tedious than making the conscious effort to pen thoughts. suffice to say, egyptian men are terribly charming yet obnoxious; old flames have a tendency of being painfully awkward which makes me awkward and then everything falls to bits, kind of; and drunken girl talk with the right girl is perfect for inducing unlimited amounts of honesty and revelations.

fun with friends, great connections, intimate conversations...and soul, so much of it! im going for navratri next friday too!!!! this is gonna be great great great! i give full credit for this wonderful time to....my new gemstone, the black onyx!!! yayyyy

oh hell. i haven't had a drop of alcohol in 3 weeks. days like these, i could do with more than a little bit. maybe tomorrow.. drinks.. alone.. destress.. god knows i need it, boy.

oo last night was such fun! i was feeling sleepy by 11:30 but the phonecall came and i was whisked away! i've missed this bunch too much, way too much.

i was in bed by 4:30am and horror of all horrors, i woke up at 9 without the help of an alarm clock. i think i'm just lucky. project meeting in school in an hour. what a drag.

I can only speak with such authority because it's happened to me before: Karma will come bite you in the ass.

madness! but being in my room and being at home makes me feel so safe.. as though no power or heartbreak or sadness in the world could touch me here. no way. i'm home. i'm safe.

shouldnt have shouldnt have shouldnt have

I am now the proud owner of the 4 books in the Sandman collection! This pleases me thoroughly! I have no more words!

Anyway.. school's getting to me so I am, as usual, running away from it although I know that running away will not make it disappear (i do wish it, though...) Anyway.. my new favourite tv thing is Ugly Betty. I have wasted many precious hours in front of my laptop